Relationship Goals: A Phrase We Need To Take Out Of Our Vocabulary

Relationship Goals! We all have said it before, even if you’re in a relationship, or you’re not. As we scroll through Instagram, we find ourselves stopping on a couples imagery only to admire that love that is being displayed. Or as we read articles and you see the length of years that a celebrity couple has been together. No matter who someone is, most people wish to find love that can last a life time, but to find it, we don’t need to make anyone’s relationship a goal for ourselves. Actually the entire phrase / hashtag #RelationshipGoals we need to do away with completely.

I have felt this way on the phrase #RelationshipGoals for a while now, but recently due to the “Entanglement” of Will and Jada’s partnership I figured this is a good time to bring this up. First and foremost, I’m not going to speak on their “situationship” because I don’t give my opinion on other people’s marriages, and especially not BLACK PEOPLE’s  marriages if my opinion isn’t asked personally from them. I can promise you this, if you like challenges. 1st: FIND SOMEONE you love enough to even THINK about marrying them. 2nd: Get Married. But this is where the fun starts. Most times people act as if the wedding is the happily ever after ending they have been waiting for. Only to realize that that is THE BEGINNING! 3rd. Try to stay to together FOREVER.

My wife and I have been married now going on 9 years and before that we were on and off for almost 10 years as we are high school sweethearts (before ya’ll ask me what took me so long to marry her. LOL!) At this point, I can say I LOVE my wife dearly and the more I see our 1 year old daughter have BOTH of our personalities and watch her be a mom, I come to love her even more. But I would be lying to you all if I didn’t say we’ve had to overcome a lot! And all of it was worth it and it took putting in work and being willing to understand each other, knowing when to walk away and come back to calmly discuss our differences and being able to PROPERLY communication with each other.

Throughout the 9 years of being married we have come to learn even more about each than the previous 10 years of dating, but even through our turmoils we have been able to take beautiful pictures together, family photos, etc. Some may have said they wish they had what we had. Actually! I know a couple of her friends have said this and I think both of our faces probably made a face like, “If you only knew!”

In MANY circumstances, relationships can be hard work, or just work definitely. Also in many communities, not just the black community, but many of use haven’t even seen a properly functioning relationship, yet alone marriage. That alone can make things interesting for any relationship. Example: I come from a home where my parents were married for 20+ years before getting a divorce. Within that time, I’ve seen my parents try to love each other, but on both ends I feel egos came to play and both becoming complacent during that time which lead, to me, a lot of arguing. My wife on the other hand saw her father deported when she was 5 and was mostly raised by a hard working single mother. With different backgrounds we both had different ideas of how our relationship was supposed to work and I’m pretty both our parents thought the same when they got into their relationships.

Being married now and knowing what we have gone through to get to 9 years. When I see stories of elderly couples who have been together for 50-60 and even 70 years. I just wonder what all they have been through. Has it been any financial situations, parenting skills between the two, infidelity, childhood traumas they never faced, mental health, deaths of loved ones and so many more. I pretty sure they have probably dealt with a few of these, if not all of them if you have spent so many years with each other.

One thing I will say, through all of the work that needs to be done. I love being married, but the only relationship goal I have is trying to do as much as possible to make sure my relationship / marriage works. Because what someone else has gone through to get those beautiful smiles in pictures may not have been what I would have dealt with. As well as the beautiful smiles me and my wife has in our pictures may not have been what someone else would have dealt with. Don’t hold yourself, or your spouse to a level of someone you don’t know. Make your goal with your spouse to be able to continue to say “us”. That includes working on yourself as well.

Last but not least, the cops that killed Breonna Taylor are still free and should be arrested!



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